God, men can be such bastards. Yeah, I get the irony.She's kept putting herself out there, but now that she's past fifty, it'sgetting tougher. Guys her own age are more interested...well, in women myage. In fact, one of the shitheels that dumped my mother after threedates actually had the nerve to call me and ask me to lunch.I think his ears are still ringing from the "Fuck off!" I screamed intothe phone.After that, I went out and got a new tattoo. When I'm angry or sad Iusually go shopping or get a tat. I used to get drunk, but the incidentwith the mechanic kind of put me off getting out of control drunk.Anyway. About mom. She called me the Tuesday after my fiasco with themechanic to say that she had found a lump on her breast and she had amammogram scheduled two days later, and would I please, please come withher? The poor woman never asked anything from me, so of course I saidyes. Brittany agreed to cover for me at the coffee drive-through where weboth worked and I made the hour. ”“Eew. That's nasty.”“What? They’re really very similar. In fact, it’s entirely possible mayo is actually just factory workers’ jizz in a jar.““That is entirely possible," I agreed with a laugh. "But you won’t make enough.”“Oh yes I will. I haven’t had time to jack off all week.”“That's nice, but still don't want it on my burger. Why waste it like that?”“What’s the big deal? I've cum inside your buns before,” he quipped."Well, that much is true.”“Hey, instead of getting my cum all over your glutes, I’m going to get it all over your gluten. Hahaha.”“Nuh-uh." I stood firm. "No jizzburger."It was my turn to crack a joke. "So is this what people mean when they cook a nice meal for you and they say, ‘the magic ingredient is love?’” Jeff's face looked more serious. “God I hope not. That’s what my uncle George says about his barbeque.”“Red or Carolina style?”Now it was his turn to say, “eew.”“Honey mustard?”“Okay, now that's just gross.”“Ohhh, I get it," I mused, driving the punchline.
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